You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
