That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
