It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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