why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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