My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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