I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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