I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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