You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
