i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
