No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
