so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When are your genitals available?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
