I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
