also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
