therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
