I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
