Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Floor bacon is actually really good
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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