I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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