Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
