Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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