I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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