Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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