I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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