just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
