omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
