Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't deserve a penis
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
