And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
