remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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