If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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