She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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