My brain says no but my pants say off.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sober January is a disaster.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
