Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
