I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
