Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
