YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
