I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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