apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
