its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
