I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
