so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
