i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
