The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
