they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
