dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
