Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize