I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize