Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
