Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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