I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
how drunk are you?
Several
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
