Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
