please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
