walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
