You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
