I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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