yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
