i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
