3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho