I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So vagazzling was a success
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.