After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?