I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.