You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream