no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
