It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.