It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.