Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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