It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dick very happy bro
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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