you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
