I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
