i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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