Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize