It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
