I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
