Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
